Here I am at 3a.m. Not because of soccer just because of my stupidity. Stupid me go and procrastinate. Last minute chiong... Ironically my short topic is about sleep deprivation and effects on short term memory... now... what was I talking about?

Oh yes... me being awake at 3a.m. sianzz

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Nothing much else to say... people are happy so I'm happy... just that some sellers are getting on my nerves... quick and efficient service please!

----------

tick tock tick tock... exams are coming...






3 more....

Zui jin wo de xin hao fan... zhen shou bu liao... yu mei ren ke yi bang wo jian jing fu dan...

gou sian...

qu shui jiao leh....

bu guan zhe me duo...






4 more left...

Today there has been a severe lack of company online... Nobody to talk to even if I wanted to... Yet lately that has been the case... except maybe for chan... Which has been great talking to him... Kinda sian though, do wish I could find someone to chat with... oh well, I got other stuff to do I guess

----------------

I need to turn down the volume inside my head somewhat... I almost feel like asking God and wishing it away... to not feel a thing, to not think at all... just automate me... perhaps it'll be better like this... I need the function without the heart. Less human you say? Perhaps. Thats why I said I almost felt like it.

A fair opportunity? The odds have been tilted. God tell me how to proceed.
This weekend I'll cover my bases. I need to know how to feel... I feel very non-rational. Does it make sense to you? Not sure if it does to me... I can't tell why...

But I know there's something I have to do... I should, at least...

"Stand and fight!"

be still my heart and know that God is Lord...

----------------

A singular purpose... strive for the goal... running this race...


----------------

I wonder if I've been exaggerating somewhat... don't take everything I say at face value okay...

----------------

5 more till a landmark~






a blind man it makes...

I've decided I must make a choice. A choice between two girls. Both are cute and pretty. Their smiles can melt the heart's of a snowman. One is gentle and kind. She is blur but does well in life. The other is strong and smart. Yet has not found her life's goal. She likes conflicts and is actually rather fierce but still shows occasional softness.

Why must I decide you ask? Isn't it obvious? I can't like both... It won't help in the end... I can only like one not the other... support only one!

Both their happiness is at stake! But my actions will hold no effect on their lifes. For I am merely a spectator, watching from the safety of a glass window. Yet day by day they enter my mind. My heart leaps out and tightens at the sight of their tears, at the sound of their cries. As hard as it might be, I must still choose one.

Who are these two you ask? Are you wondering if you know them? Well, I trust that you might, for their identities are not secret or hidden...
Yijuan or Yijun? what a dilemma... Shunfa is a damn lucky clown...

HAH!
Easter egg!!
------------------------

Like I said, I must try. Effort must reflect worth... Only things that are of worth have to be fought for, to be earned...
So a foolish run I go, charging at the hordes.
Fell deeds awake... Now for Wrath... Now for Ruin... and the Red Dawn... (quoted from LOTR, Theoden's line)
Death and glory! I ride to meet a host that fars outweighs my stature. To no ends can I be sure that victory is mine. Only a glimmer of hope, shining like a blade splitting the darkness. I give hope to men. I keep none for myself. (Aragorn)
For the one... God let me be right and may your favour rest upon me like the morning dew... may your courage cover me like a breastplate... As I embark on this craziest of quest...

boo!
dramatics hide my point
Okay... Guess I got a bit out of point... hahahz! but see if you can get whats the main message there without the LOTR dramatics...

One last quote from LOTR Aragorn...
"Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you *stand, Men of the West!"

-------------------

With that I retire for the night! ; )






Light of the Evenstar...
Arwen...

I'm afraid I've screwed it...Tsurelyryouuwillsnotlongermturnetowmeiforlhelplforyfearoofu
things...?I shouldn't have been so greedy... only me to blame...

-------------------

Facebook is ridiculous. Slayers, vampires and zombies. Water Fights and Rock scissors paper. So OOP... hahahz... but in truth quite fun larh...

-------------------

wonder how many pple have visited it liao... much check later...

-------------------

RE: extinction is quite OOP also but milla jovovich is SO chio~! hahahz blonde short haired babe man...
Rock on!






how normal is normal? level up!!!

/




















































Now you would think there's something hidden there... but there's nothing... just silence...






silence in my heart...

I think lately I've been expecting too much... monday was always that day...D
And I look forward to it... but lately she's not been there...o
but I shouldn't be surprised should I...I
its was about time... no good thing lasts forever...a

-------n

So I had to close shop early... Sianzzz...n
either that or risk massive payout...o

spoiler lehzzz...y
hahahahzz....y

-------

shall watch a movie today I think... milla jovovich... Wahahahz :P

-------

I hope I'm not trying too hard... I don't want to place an unnecessary burden on you...o
and neither do I want to make you annoyed with me...u
because I'm just trying to be nice... making sure you get through this time...?





thinking...

A laughter that is both honest and infectious. Disarming me, letting down my guard. Innocence resonating, joy mingling in between each breath...

----


*This portion has been deleted*



----

Back to school~~ 4 more weeks to exams.... ladidar


in the sea



woonded...

Working hard... hope to get it done soon...

---------

What's this I feel... lets not put it in words... denial serves best here...
as long as I keep joking about it... I should be okay...

---------


Oh well, back to work...



Hah! Knew you'll look! caught you~~! This is to catch Jenna~~ for the rest of you... thank you for your participation!!:D



one in a hundred...

Sianz... Dug myself into a hole again... Always am doing that... God dig me out please~


BTW, its kinda late... but I've posted my pictures of my trip in july to Australia... follow the links on the right to get there...

I'm now quite tired... sleepppyyy~~

drifting off into land of sleep... buay tahan... Sleep monster comeths...

------------

Sharing the burden is a great deal better... I must resist selfish tendencies and look out for the best. Above all things to make sure you're just a little better... no matter how disastrous the consequences may be...

------------

Okay... off to bed I go...





somewhere here and there...

Its 3 a.m. in the morning and I just can't sleep. Its so strange and it could be becoming a habit for all I know. I tried hard to knock out but it just wasn't happening... haiz... so restless now...

I'm awake thinking of things I really shouldn't be... Periods of anxiety and then relief... and then followed by moire worries... Worries of putting the happiness of my friends first. Trying to figure whats going on everywhere. Making sure I watch out for your greatest interest above mine.

God give me the strength to do whats right.

How I wish I can get my fairy tale ending... Maybe some day, over a rainbow, and far away....





sleepless in Singapore...

Too much money gone!! I've been a little liberal with my finances... Please remind me to keep a good lock on it...

----

Did a psycho test today. You know what I like about such test? Listening to the debrief and realise the focus of the study is WAY different from what you were told or imagine. I love the way they scheme everything. So never take a psych test at face value!

----

Everyday I look forward to just this one thing. I guess its not too good... must train off it... but then its so nice and enjoyable and then its not really very harmful. So... Hahahz...







work, work, work...

I just took a nap and woke up... I am so groggy I can't really put words together properly.

--------

The datelines are pressing and yet I cannot do much... Still waiting...

-------

Pretty. Friendly. Comforting. Exciting. Cute. Caring. Intuitive. Adorable. Reliable. Helpful. Curious. Appreciative. Eager. Excitable. Gorgeous. Smart. Outgoing. Playful. Youthful. Perky. Lovely.

" these are a few of my favourite things~ " borrowing a line from the song.

I need to improve my vocab. Foxy, Delightful. Dainty and Attractive.

" you are... you are..."





arrow in the dark...

I have been a clown. Being a baby about it. But I must stop, I will.

I read the words again and again. Making it my own. Knowing the damage I've done or am doing. Being stupid about it.


I'm sorry. I am.

-------------

I won't give up. I cannot fall away and just let go. Then its like saying it wasn't worth trying. It is worth... and I will do it... might as well try and fight for it...

Hope thats not putting off... I have bad exp of saying that kinda stuff... hopefully I'm not wrong twice...

Thank God the presentations over. 103 was rather monster and almost quite scary... like 5 mins before then tie down. Hopefully Mirabelle thinks it was okay... no so concernec about the class, because I think this tutorial is rather farcical...

I think I'm rather weird... Like as if I can't decide if I'm okay or not. Maybe I'm in denial or actually I'm over the hill... I just can't tell... So at the moment I shall go with my best guess...

I abhor sleep deprivation, mainly cause I don't do well with it... Sleep is rather appealing... Yet so is staying up late. It always seems like there is more things to do past midnight. Sometimes I just sit around and wonder if there's anything I can do rather than go sleep... Hahz!

This week's just getting started and I already want the weekend... or actually the holidays. But I will still slog on...

The next part is strictly R21 only. Please present your ID. Also only for people who would consider themselves my good friends... hah!

I feel like a clown... I really should have had more control and wisdom. Now all I want is that you be happy.

Anywayz I can always just squish it all in a bottle. Its good not as bad as you might think. Suppressing everything is a good thing.

Btw you would have to highlight it. And Please resist reading it if you do not meet he above mentioned criteria. Your honesty is appreciated and God is watching!!!!

Lecture's gonna start... TATA!!

I hate the way everything's linked... just because my mental state changes doesn't mean my body should feel it... stupid stomach ache... bleh...

-----------

I could have told myself 'I told you so'. Was it really unexpected? Not really. Disappointing? why should it be if its expected.

Slap myself.

Its time to wake up, its time when dreaming ends. Much like in Moulin Rouge. Its a modern day tragedy. My life is determinably shakespearean in nature.

-----------

Stupid presentations tomorrow. I want my holiday. But before that, exams... 15 to 21 nov... sianz... so soon....






I T E...

In my stupidity, I tend to do drastic things that are rather detrimental...

------------------------

Sorry, my walls tend to be so high...

Even though you reach... I'm not really very accessible... Its my fault... no worries...






standing tall in this wide space...

I am pissed...



So pissed...



Help me overcome it. My strength and my peace...





a mighty good leader is on the way...

I'm making progress. At least I think I am. Its way way cool but so hard to master! But I'll get it... I'll keep trying till I get it... Just a few more weeks...

But meanwhile, better not forget I actually have work to do in school. Hah!

------------------------

First!!

------------------------

Baby Pictures. Some people look so similar and yet so different. And you realise how people actually look more alike after growing up together. Wahahah... Too bad they don't know I've seen the pic... :P and because I gave my word I shan't reveal who's picture it is.

-----------------------

Busy busy weekend.






ahhhhhhh......

I realised I have a certain liking for things starting with a certain letter of the alphabet. An action starting with that letter, these things starting with that letter, my first crush's name started with that letter and now another person's name which starts with that letter. Wahahahz, just making a mountain out of a molehill I guess...

--------------

I am the chief of sinners... Yet His grace is abundantly sufficient...

--------------

Datelines, datelines, datelines.

How I wish they were just the first half.

Just dates, no lines....

-------------

BLUE, GREEN, RED, YELLOW.

Sudden colour outburst.

------------

Look out for this space!!!






craziness...

I woke up on the wrong side of life today. It was almost like some horror show of sorts. It was just like a show full stop. Everything seemed like choreographed misfortunes. Right from the offset, it seemed suspiciously orchestrated. But it isn't. Sometimes life just throws a curve ball. Well, strike one for me.

Something keeps floating around in my mind. Appearing with predictable frequency. At least once a day it appears. Imaginary and expectant. I am nuts. Just wondering if I'm cashews or macademian.

Haiz, oh well... Another day, another time...






goals...