Does being the person I can be means I have to ignore my own needs?
Are my own needs even what I need?
Is it a matter of perception over reality?
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Grit your teeth and make it through days like these.
Could you help me?
Thats about it... The curtain is closing... The end of this part has come...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
10:23 PM
Arh!! If you ever had a cold you would agree with me it doesn't feel good. The timing of it couldn't be worse either. Yet I will still trust.
Work has been good. I think I perform somewhat well. I figured though I should open up more, like chat up the new CSA or the promoters. Hahz. I get to see all the new people who come in.
I've set myself a goal. And I shall aim to achieve it. I don't think its entirely too difficult.
Many things to look forward to.
Many things to remember.
Just one God to carry me through it all.
Sweet and Tender Voice, Soft and Gentle Touch...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
2:02 AM
In a day that has seen its ups and downs. I'm glad it ends on an up.
Perhaps I can hope for the future.
I grew a little today, I verbalised it.
"You give me wings to fly!"
I will soar with You.
long away
Monday, January 22, 2007
1:34 AM
The chances came. The call to step up to the plate was made. And I missed both.
I hate myself for it. I dislike the way I am and the things I feel.
God change me so that I may no longer be like this.
haiz~
Days like these are total bollocks
tick tock...
Thursday, January 18, 2007
1:08 AM
No way
when hell freezes over
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
11:20 PM
Shod it. There are those days that I see people happy and get sad. This is one of them. And its not that I don't want them to be happy. I have two theories (a) I am envious of their happiness which I don't think is achievable in my life. Maybe its just something I'm not meant to have. It sucks but I'll live. (b) I feel left out.
That is especially true this week. Everyone's having school and friends. I have work. And though pple come in and out of the office, technically I have NO colleagues. I'm the only admin person. even my superior is not around half the time. So I spent 9.30 to 6 in silence just filing. I don't think the job sucks. Its easy and not too stressful. Its just lonesome. And even when I get home, I know there's about no one I get msg or sms or talk to. They got school and stuff, so I don't really want to bother.
So it wasn't really army. Maybe its just me. To be left out.
And you know what shods more? Knowing someone is in pain/distress/hurt and knowing there's nuts I can do about it. Either I'm not a good friend or I'm not as close to them as I thought/hope to be.
It sucks.
Dear God, It sucks, sometimes it really does. I don't know how things will get better. Heck I don't even know if they'll get better. Help me to trust in You. You are my hope. Without You I'll be hopeless. Now all I can do is hope/trust that Your plan for me will be good. And that happiness/joy/prosperity will be part of that plan.
Amen
Alone in Orchard
Saturday, January 13, 2007
12:40 AM
Good day.
Either a greeting or it means the day has been good.
I'm using it as both.
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I sought the Lord and He answered me. He rescued me from all my fears.
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I got a tight tight day tomorrow.
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Its coming to an end.
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I apologize for my one sentence rapid fire. Just felt like doing it:)
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I guess I must really learn to be more patience. God's plan is good but I keep rushing it because I can only see the now or at most the near future. If I could look further, it'll be so much easier to trust. Trust in God and all His ways, lean not on my own understanding. To walk by faith and not by sight. He will make all things beautiful in His time.
Lord, Help me to wait. And yet help me to act with courage and boldness when the moment comes. I will trust and not rush. God, make all things beautiful as I commit all things relational to You.
Amen.
Good looking...
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
11:24 PM
I need an outlet.
10:24 PM
I have watched finish house. (Which by the way had a fantastic season finale and two parter) So now I am in utter boredom. Save the job searching, I am completely and utterly bored. Which seriously means too much time to think.
So lately I've swung between hopeful and disappointment. Maybe, maybe not. Could be, couldn't be. Possibility and Impossibility. I only lament my procrastination. If I had started earlier maybe I would have had the chance.
Well you know that they say about the best laid plans.
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I had the weirdest dream the other night, too bad I can't publicly write it down. So if you're REALLY curious come and ask me larh :P
almost...
Saturday, January 06, 2007
12:45 AM
I am not schooling and not army-ing. So now I am of the working class. Until july anyway. Still looking for a job which I hope will come soon. My finances are not going to hold on for very long.
So I went to a match-making agency. Well, at least a employer-employee matching agency. They were shouting 'orders' across the room. "Who needs an GCE 'A' level with two years experience?" "I need someone with forklift experience!" I filled a form and did an interview. I realised I had a very modest view of my own abilities. Out of 10 I put my Word skill (Microsoft) at 4. My interviewer, Tina, 're-adjusted' it to 7! LoL.
I kind of wonder what job I'll end up with. I do hope it pays well but more importantly I hope I find one I like to do. To what extent will I trade one for the other? Sometimes I wonder.
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I feel disheartened AGAIN. I cannot believe it myself. Hope seems foolish. Yet it is a part of me. So does it mean I am a fool? Can I believe God would give it to me? Or is it that God's answer would really be no? I have friends so I should be content with that. I guess just sometimes I wish for more. Maybe its just too much more...
What You will not give, let not my heart desire...
Monday, January 01, 2007
2:21 AM
Its 2 hours and 20 minutes 9nto 2007! Time to change the calendars and change your thinking. Remember to write 07 at the end of the dates instead of 06!
For me this year will be of new experiences. Work and school. Two things new to me. If I gather enough resources I'll go for hillsongs conference. Maybe alone so it might be a new experience too.
Also I hope it'll be a new year in the other departments of my life. I hope to grow more and learn more and to also be able to experience new feelings.
Dear God, watch over my friends in this year. Through new experiences or old routines, may You show Your grace and mercy in all our lives. Lead us in Your way and guide us along Your paths. Thank You Lord.
