Woke up late today which was a real bugger... You know something interesting? Sentosa is like so different now... Makes me wanna go there again just to look see around... Thinking of chalet... anybody interested??

So many couples on sentosa today... most memorable was this couple embracing as the waves crashed around them...

Don't really wanna say much today... Take care all of ya! God bless

Just watched I not stupid too... And also Cars earlier today... They convey so much I wish I could express... and in their endings I find something that I hope for...

Perhaps I have 'died' a long time ago...

I don't need advice anymore... I need someone to show me... What love could be... what friendship means... would you care or bother? brother (and sister) , would you be my friend??




oh well...

What do you do when you feel sad, when your day (or life) seems bad? Wave it off? Drown it with intoxication? Pour it out to friends? Sing a sad song? All these I want to do and more... Yet I don't... Day by day my sorrows collect in the bottle that is my life. Occasionally I forget this bottle is filled when a happy day comes round. But happiness seems more like an illusion than a reality...

I feel alone in this world... Am I not worthy to be loved?? And whats more am I not worthy to be entrusted to love? Is the only one who loves me, forgives me and believes in me, in heaven?? Would I not then long to leave this wretched place and be there instead? Yet this life is not mine to give or take and that frustrates me.

I want to be loved! To be significant! To be entrusted to love! Believe me when I say this.

So why does my phone remain silent? Why that no windows would pop out on my msn? Am I scary? Unfriendly?? Tell me! Can my past not be forgiven and forgotten? Can God's love not be seen in His family? Even if its just a faint reflection??

Jesus answer me. My friends answer me. Somebody somewhere answer me!!

Walked away from the field today. What more to say? Don't think anybody noticed as a slipped away silently... Who looks around for me anyways? HAHz...

96988563- feel free, I got enough sms-es



going back to my silent...

A day of many fortunes... My winning eleven psp challenge went quite well... God was on my side otherwise I would have been rolled over. So much fun... Tomorrow a new challenge awaits and may God bless.

A wedding is a time of great joy and happiness. Yet as I stood there, I felt I was just an observer. The joy seemed so real and yet I felt as if I would never have a part in such joy. It seemed like something I would never have the privilege... to stand there in love. Didn't want to appear like a spoilsport... but I think I didn't do too well...

As I read more of 'soul survivor' the more I feel the desire to love others. Not as a collective other but an individual other. To value lifes and seek to engineer change. I feel the call to do more, to love more and to be more like Jesus. But yet some part of me pulls back. WHY!? Oh my soul, why do you torment youself so? Seek to do His will and leave the old self behind!!!

At the wedding, I felt so isolated, so 'seperated'. People I thought would talk to me appeared distant and didn't even say hi. People I've shared my heart with, people I've looked up to and respected. Now they feel like strangers. My heart weeps and my soul cries out for a connection with them. And who would come? My jc classmate (and jermaine's cousin) initiated contact. A small glimmer of light in the darkness perhaps. Haiz...

laughter is fleeting and tears haunt my steps...



still...

Yoz! Ukraine won spain won. Brazil are back in form. Many things seem right and better... now if korea could win or draw......

a long weekend is coming and I really could be happier... hahahz but funding is a little low... so budgeting is a high priority...

Have been reading this book called soul survivor by philip yancey... It has brought great meaning and awakening in my soul. My spirit man is stirred and if only I could attain a little of what these heroes have obtained... then surely the kingdom would advance further!

hm... I realize I'm quite lazy when it comes to blogging don't feel like typing much... :P

Take care all! may God bless you!

I went through what should be considered quite an okay weekend... cell retreat among others things... the games were fun and the company enjoyable... yet something doesn't seem quite right...

I don't noe whats the problem... a sense of lonliness surrounds me... makes me feel not very lovable and isolated... maybe its just an emotional sorta thing... but I really don't noe...

maybe its the lack of real connection with church people... my soul feels alone and dissatisfied...

A weary body you remedy with sleep and rest... then how do you cure a tired soul and a weary heart??

my friend if you noe the answer please msg me...




wanting...

Well well well... its been long... what can I say... many places to start...

If you really want me to go then I have to agree... the temptation to be childish and be vengeful is real but no... I've decided to handle this in the best manner that I can...

my luck's been a little out of whack... brazil! switz! and ukraine!!!! wah... but Argentina is a powerhouse! Their passing game is killa to the first degree! whew~~ but they did an overkill with 6-0 hahahz....

realize that certain pple will just never be friends... I dunch noe whats the reason but I'm quite sure they are just.... well lets not get nasty... But if thats how they want it then fine... they don't owe me nuthin and I expect nothing more than my entitlement...

Lord, help me... A plea to save my dispairing soul... Its been torn asunder and forces treaten to overtake my spirit man daily... in the silence all I need is You... my only friend in a hostile world full of fake pretences and feel-good advice givers...

Happiness is fleeting and sorrows linger little too long



what to do...

I've got tons of words to say but yet the right words escape me...
would ya spare me the time my friend?



heartfelt desires...

"His feet quickly worked its way up the staircase leading out of the subway. Finding himself bathed in the blinding evening sun, he took a moment to plan his next move. Already he had traveled half way across london to escape the team of detectives hot on his trail. Everytime he thought he had escaped the clutches of the famed detectives of scotland yard, he found them blocks away trying to catch up with him. So far his wits and the advantage of secrecy has kept him out of the reach of the long arms of justice.

He contemplated on whether to take a cab or a bus. A cab would be able to bring him to one of the bridges on the river thames where he could hitch a ride on a underground boat ride up or down the river. Of course this ride was only accessable by a 'black' ticket, which he had taken a great deal of effort, not to mention the sacrifices of a few colleagues, to obtain. It was not to be used wantonly.

He knew this would be a risky move for surely the detectives would anticpate such a move! They must know that if he succeeded then it would mean that he was way out of their reach by then and if they knew, they would take the necessary precautions or even lay a trap to capture him.

The safer option would be to take the bus further into that sector of the city. He wouldn't be physically very far from the detectives but at least the large numbers of hiding place will cause trouble for the detectives attempting to track him. After a second of thought and always considering himself a gambling man, he decided the risk was worth it.

He quickly flagged down a cab and as it sped down the road, he was quite sure he saw the familar khaki coat of one of the detectives just appearing out of the subway entrance he himself had just been at. He heaved a sigh of relief. For the rest of the journey, he regularly looked around to check he wasn't being followed and just as often he prayed that he would be able to escape. 'Pray, what a weird thing for a criminal of my degree to be doing.,' he thought to himself as one of those ancient looking cathedrals passed by the taxi window.

Arriving at the destination, and after a thorough check of the surroundings, he handed the cab driver the fare, told him to keep the change and alighted. Dusk had just settled upon the city and the air was getting cool. Taking advantage of the poor light condition he approached the stretch of the bank where the boat was waiting. A sleazy hooded man inspected his ticket and allowed him on the boat. Besides himself, only another couple was onboard. He kept to himself as the boat moved down the river.

A light drizzle had begun as he reached the drop off point. He took a step onto the road side pavement and looked around. The street was quiet. He was almost convinced he was safe when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He froze. "Its over." "

Felt inspired by the game last week... haha.. pardon my indulgence:)

Long long week siah... Had an exercise which was MEGA. And I do mean MEGA! I had to fill out a new role so it was kinda taxing too... but MUCH better than what I used to do...

Maybe this week won't be so bad... Will have some time to walk around and look at the stuff I want... So wanna go join them at penang... Haha... They must have just ended their night session... SO FUN...

Two close friends in camp now... they must be feeling sian especially cher hao who just went in... Wish them two all the best!

She sounds happier nowadays which I'm glad for... Hope I'll get to have a meal with her soon... At Billy's or Kenny's... well thats if she agrees :)

THE soccer event is HERE!!!! WORLD CUP STARTS TODAY! And Germany will go down! Costa 1-0! Hahahaz Thats my crazy talk... don't bet your life on it... but if it really happens remember I said it two hours before the match!




Your smile...

I don't have much time... So I'll be quick... Been a good day spent with peeps... A long week is about to start... major exercise and yarh so I'll be like quite bz...

Meanwhile frens are enlisting too... Church camp also starts this week meaning I won't see lots of my peeps next weekend... Oh well...



recovering...

Alive- How I felt as we discussed and threw our ideas around... Been a long time since I felt like that. I want to build your kingdom... to see it grow! That all may know your love... Help me Lord that I may be your vessel...

Lord, look after those I love... May they feel your presence for surely you are with them everywhere...

Father, take care of Shirlyn... Help her through each day... Though I may have no chance to love her... Lord show your love for her... Surely that is most important! But I pray that I may be of help in her life... that I could be a part of her life... part of your plan for her... The Lord God knows best, plans perfectly and all things are made beautiful in Your time.

All glory to you! Know my heart's desires and give me good gifts Lord. Blessed is the most Holy of holies.

Amen

Back to my computer, back to my life.

I wonder where you are now... I always wonder that... thought all was okay in the afternoon... but now I'm not sure... maybe your phone batt low, maybe you left it in the office, maybe you find me annoying, maybe you don't want me to know you're out cheong-ing... I rather you tell me than ignore me... Your silence makes it difficult to forget you...

I dreamt of you twice in one day... too much for me to take... Darn it feel like my soul is torn asunder... As I sit there comtemplating the dreams during my duty... Its felt so real I might have almost not wanted to wake up... you were so close I could feel your warmth, smell your fragrance and embrace you... Haiz, yet it was just a dream...

Maybe this weekend will be better... oh wellz




thinking...